Thank you, dear readers, and sorry you can’t comment at Boston.com

The story is out and the comments are flooding into my mailbox. Here’s what I find so fascinating: not one of the 85 or so I’ve received so far today is negative. But I guarantee you that if Boston.com enabled the comment option on the online version of the story, the bottom dwellers would take over and flood the comments with their venom.

A couple emailers asked about enabling comments. I absolutely see the value in them and I want to see the conversation continuing. I even spoke with the Globe about the possibility, as I’m the one who first requested they be turned off. But even they decided against it. One editor said: “I wish I had more faith in our commenters than I do, but their track record has proven otherwise.”

It all comes down to this: when people can comment anonymously, they’ll say anything. It’s sad. And all that negative energy. Ugh.

So, focusing on the positive, and I will write back each person who emailed, thank you all for your kind words. More than anything, I’m moved by the stories of others I’m hearing, and by the people whose hearts and minds are expanding on this very day. Lina and I could not ask for more.

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Out and about, Public reaction, Writing. Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to Thank you, dear readers, and sorry you can’t comment at Boston.com

  1. didaniel says:

    Hey, I finally got a negative comment, and not even so negative. Thank you reader for having the courage to send a note I can respond to (though I won’t): “Nobody wants to see this in the newspaper. Who cares. Private lives should remain private. Give me (and the rest of us) a break with your nonsense.”

    • Shaun says:

      There is a difference between sharing a personal day-to-day story and that of a personal story that opens a dialog into a reality that touches so many lives and is so unknown to the general population. Not everyone is in a position where they feel safe enough to share their story… Please continue with your writings! You have taken a big step in helping educate others about accepting difference. Your story also helps countless of other couples in similar situations by helping them see they are not alone.

      • didaniel says:

        Thank you, Shaun. I appreciate it and am grateful to the Globe for giving me the opportunity to share our story to a general (and large) audience.

  2. Tom says:

    Thanks for sharing your story — it was fascinating and very brave of you to write it. I am glad that the Globe did not enable the comments. I actually think it’s one of the worst things news sites have done to have comments just below the story. It debases the value of the product. If you want people commenting on the story, have a blog, or (gasp) have them write a letter/email to the editor. I wish you and Lina luck and love. It’s the latter that’s the most important, but after reading your story I have a feeling you already know that.

    • didaniel says:

      You make very good points, Tom. Though I do find comments interesting and useful when they’re productive. AS a journalist, I’ve gotten new angles on stories and new sources through comments. But unfortunately they’re often mindless and worse.

  3. b says:

    Thank you for your wonderful article.

  4. Sally Cross says:

    Thank you for being brave enough to share something this personal with the whole world. Being a part time MTF I understand all the stresses that a spouse experiences. I’m glad that you two could adapt your relationship to move onto this new level. It’s stories like these that continue to educate the public that this is not as rare a condition as they assume. Good luck and enjoy your lives together.

    I only included a link to my Flickr site so you could put a face to the name.

    Sally Cross

  5. didaniel says:

    I don’t think so but I’ll check. I do plan to post images of both pages once the Globe sends them to me.

  6. Hi Diane, I am a frequent commenter on BDC (generally in the Love Letter’s column) and was thrilled to see this post on your blog: An opportunity to publicly say I loved your story and to share a little of my own. BDC comments can be cruel, but they can also be supportive and sometimes even profound. I was half relieved, half disappointed that the Globe chose to not allow comments.

    Your story touched me deeply and personally. For the better half of my adult life, I was in a relationship with a man who cross dressed. When I left the relationship — for a number of reasons — I dealt with a lot of guilt feelings which made me question my loyalty to him and the transgendered community. Could I still support the transgendered community when some of the things that drove us apart were routed in the fact that he dressed?

    Reading your story was helpful. I never had a strong support system as the partner of someone who identified in part as a woman and I never knew another woman who was in a similar situation. I often felt confused and alone.

    I enjoy your writing and was glad to see a story about the transgendered on the front page. Best to you and Lina.

    • didaniel says:

      Thanks, Janeaustenrocks.(And, yes, I fixed your typo.) It is indeed, as I wrote in my piece, tricky terrain. In the end, we all have to do what’s right for us. I think doing it with compassion and an open heart is what is key. I do wish there was more support for significant others. It is out there, but, like the movement itself, it’s but a whisper, so you really have to look for it. Btw, your note about the Love Letter column made me reminiscent. I used to write a dating/relationship column at the Globe, actually was still writing it when I met Lina. Called Date Lines. Lot of work reporting-wise, but I enjoyed it. And I did an online chat, too. It was fun. I learned a lot about relationships through that, and about what’s really important to me. In the end, that’s what matters. I wish you the best, and thanks for your comment!

      • Meredith Goldstein, who writes Love Letters, has a live chat as well, Wednesdays at 1pm, Eastern Time. Join us sometime! I comment under the pseudonym “Sally.”

        Are any of the Date Lines articles online? I’d love to read them.

        Thanks for fixing the pesky typo.

  7. didaniel says:

    I’d be shocked if they were online. I stopped the column when I left Boston in 2003. It was all reported articles, no first person, and I always had to use source’s first and last names. Very challenging as a reporter, but fun. Meredith does a great job!

  8. didaniel says:

    Or I should say very little first person. Some… I was, after all, dating!

  9. Ryan says:

    Negative comment here!

    (No not really. I just wanted to be the first!) Hope you and Lina are healthy and happy!!

    • didaniel says:

      Ha! Don’t worry. I got a few sent directly to me after the Globe piece was published, though they weren’t all that bad. If they’d been anonymous, I shudder to think…. (not that I would have read them)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s