NY Times ‘Modern Love’ piece is online

Whoa, my New York Times essay was just published online, more than 24 hours before they told me it would be. I mean we just finished the final copy edit on the thing. The emails are already rolling in, and I will soon be awash in them, hoping to somehow have the time and fortitude to acknowledge people sharing *their* powerful stories. I’ll give it my best.

For those of you landing here because of the Times, you’ll be happy to know that wife and I are doing great, some nine months later. More of the backstory can be found in the article I recently wrote for my former employer, the Boston Globe (and who I still freelance for). I love the Globe and the professionalism they showed when we worked on this and in the treatment of it in print. (I should add that this back-to-back story thing was unplanned. Globe was originally going to run in May and the Times piece in “the fall.” Instead it’s a transmonic convergence!)

After the Globe article was published I heard from hundreds of readers, some parents of transgender kids, some spouses, some just supporters. Dear readers, there are gender-variant people everywhere. We have so much more in common as human beings than we do as markers on the gender continuum. Let us all stay as compassionate and open-hearted as we can. That’s really the best we can do in any situation.

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10 Responses to NY Times ‘Modern Love’ piece is online

  1. lhgordon says:

    Hi Diane,

    I’m a Chapel Hill/Durham resident and fellow blogger who just read and loved your Modern Love column. When I saw that you were from Durham I Googled you and found all your many blogs. Thank you for writing the Modern Love column with such honesty. I am not transgender but I have a number of friends who are and I have witnessed their struggles firsthand. The transgender community absolutely needs compassionate and positive exposure such as your article. I look forward to following your adventures on your blogs!

    –Lindsay

    • didaniel says:

      Thanks, Lindsay, for your kind comments and for being a friend to the transgender community. All are welcome! I’m not a fervent blogger — who has time?! But it’s a great way to exchange information, and I am obsessed with sharing information. The first email I got from the Times piece was coincidentally a Durmanite who was shocked (shocked!) to see that the writer was a neighbor. Funny, too, how people outside of the South (or heck, inside) think we’re backwater. Far from the truth.

  2. Poulet says:

    If you really don’t want to be alone, sure. But what happens if she meets a he?

    • didaniel says:

      The same thing that would have happened if “he” meets a “she,” or if I meet a he. Nothing. As long as we’re committed, it doesn’t really matter. Also, gender identify and sexual preference are two different things.

  3. Jenna says:

    I searched you out after reading the Modern Love column this morning. Your post made me cry. So often I hear about couples that fall apart because one switches gender and the notion has always unnerved me. Just because the person you love is now a different gender does not mean he or she is a different person. Past the surface, the person you fell in love with is still the person you fell in love with. I thank the Times for posting your story, and thank you for sharing. Yours is a true love story.

    • didaniel says:

      Thanks, Jenna. I appreciate the kind words. A gender change is hard on a relationship (OK, understatement). It’s true that the person is the same — and yet different. (If they were truly “the same” they wouldn’t go through so much to “change.”) As I wrote in my Boston Globe article, linked all over this blog, I don’t advocate that couples necessarily stay together (though when they do, healthily, YAYt!), but that at least they treat one another with the love and compassion that (hopefully) brought them together in the first place.

  4. Carollyn says:

    I too searched for you after reading Modern Love. You are a beautiful human being. I wish you both the best of luck on your journey. There should be more people like you on this earth.

    • didaniel says:

      Thank you, Carollyn. I’m pleased to tell you there already are more people like me on this earth. Beautiful in some ways; ugly in others. Just the usual human condition! I appreciate your voice of support!

  5. kceylin92014 says:

    I have spent forever today reading your blog and just have to say how much I admire you and your spouse as well as your writing. I do not know much about transgender people but I have loved learning more about them and especially their spouses. To read posts from your blog has been very educational. I am a very religious person and even though I do not agree on everything you write about I admire you and your spouse for telling your courageous story. I am glad you are both so happy. Thank you for sharing your story because it has had an impact on me.

    • didaniel says:

      Thanks so much for the kind comments and for having an open mind. It’s sad how divisive religion can be — in both directions. All the best to you! — diane

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