I enjoyed this article just out in the New York Times on “renaming ceremonies” for trans people – a time to state, “this is my new name and my new presence.” It’s a recognition and a validation. It’s especially meaningful for those who don’t have reason to make a big announcement to work, family, etc. In general, rituals of all kinds can be very important and add depth to events that can otherwise get lost in the shuffle of life. Of course rituals forced on us can also work in the opposite direction, but let’s focus on the positive!
Selina and I made our big announcement in a coming-out later. I’m not sure she would have wanted a renaming ceremony. I do think that if the transitioning person is married, a renaming ceremony could be a difficult event for the spouse. As I’d mentioned several times, there is an agonizing period during a couple’s transition where the “spouse of” is grieving their partner and the person transitioning is celebrating a long-awaited wholeness. Both reactions are normal and valid and the only “solution” I see is empathy and time. So I do hope that those with partners (not the majority, admittedly) will consider all sides.
Other rituals can be planned as well. For instance, Selina and I did talk about perhaps renewing our marriage vows as wife and wife, but clearly it’s not so important to us, because we’ve done nothing about it. While writing this, I realized that Selina’s rebirthday is coming up soon, on Nov. 16. I think I might have forgotten it – and so would she, I’m guessing. She’ll be five! I guess we’re not so big on ritual ourselves!
We haven’t thought about renaming ceremonies, but with the 10th anniversary of our marriage coming up, we are thinking about renewing our vows! It would be a new commitment to our marriage in its current and future form. There’s something about the formality of a ceremony that makes it special and meaningful! Also I think having an official ceremony (for renaming, or for renewing vows) is a chance to let family and friends share in the journey.
I think that’s a great idea and I totally agree about having family and friends share in the journey, and the love. At their best, that’s what weddings are about. Let us know how it went if you do it!