Selina and I recently watched “From This Day Forward,” a lovely documentary by Sharon Shattuck about growing up in a small town in northern Michigan and having her father come out to the family as a transgender woman named Trisha when Sharon and her sister were young.
The film, inspired by Sharon’s wedding, delved into the family’s past and present and included the drama of what Trisha would wear to Sharon’s wedding.
One of the things I loved about Trisha is that she’s not girly. Almost every transwoman in the media and many in real life are ultra-feminine. So it’s refreshing to see a transwoman being a tomboy, or just not super feminine dressing.
Her wife Marcia initially planned to divorce Trisha, but then said she couldn’t leave. While this was nice in many ways – her love for Trisha stayed strong – it also made me sad because it seemed in the film that neither one was living the life they fully wanted to lead. I say this because Trisha ended up not wearing a dress to Sharon’s wedding, while earlier she had said it was the one thing she wanted. She did, however, say the wedding was the happiest day of her life, but still, I was fixated on her not feeling able to wear a dress. But, seriously, who am I to judge?
For Sharon’s part, I wish she could have embraced Trisha fully, but I totally understand and empathize with why that’s difficult. Her reactions are so realistic. Yes, she’s an intelligent, liberal, independent woman, but it’s still difficult. She misses her father, she cares about what other people think, she feels a little bit weird. (I also really enjoyed reading this Q&A with Sharon, which delves into a little more of her thinking.)
I’ll admit that my initial takeaway after watching this was sadness that Trisha didn’t seem to allow herself or be allowed to fully be Trisha. Selina had the same reaction. But then the more I thought about the love and compassion and empathy that all family members shared, I realized it was my own biases talking, and really this film underscores everything I believe about families in transition (which is why it’s now included in my resources).
When people ask me for guidance, I always say, whatever you choose to do, please stay respectful, loving and open-hearted. And that’s exactly what this family did. They’re wonderful role models and I’m grateful they opened up their lives in such an intimate and vulnerable way.
And here’s a cool postscript. Read this update from 2016, which includes Sharon talking about a screening they did in her hometown. “It was like we spent my entire childhood bottled up, no one acknowledging the elephant in the room, that we were a transgender family, and once people in my hometown knew that it was okay to ask us about it, they couldn’t stop! I just felt an overwhelming sense of support, of love from the community, and that was very encouraging.”